World Breastfeeding Week: The Limericks

cow in fieldYep, it exists. And World Breastfeeding Week 2014 takes place this week — August 1 – 7.

Thanks to social media, we’ll be hearing a lot about it — from the many controversies surrounding it to the numerous celebrities who proudly and publicly support the practice.

I’m happy to do my part by sharing a special subcategory of humorous verse the likes of which Ogden Nash and Dorothy Parker never conceived: breastfeeding limericks. Yep, they’re a thing — at least as far as I and this blogger are concerned.

And in honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I’d like to milk them for all their worth.

 

THE BENEFITS OF BREASTFEEDING

Although many new moms may contest
either viewpoint re: “Bottle or Breast?”
most new dads will attest
that a milk-enhanced chest
leaves no question: Indeed, breast is best.

 

THE LAMENT OF THE POSTPARTUM EXECUTIVE

As through my career I progressed,
quite often I’d dress to impress;
but of late it’s my fate
(because now I lactate)
that these days I just dress to express.

 

SOB STORY

After hours at a pump that’s been plying
liquid gold from them, there’s no denying
moms of lactating ilk
know there’s one kind of milk
that – when spilt – fully justifies crying.

 

WHY PAD?

When for breastfeeding needs you’re equipping,
there’re a few things you shouldn’t be skipping,
like soft nursing pads –
be sure you’ve got scads
of them, ready to hide any dripping.

Best of all, when it’s time to resign
nursing duties, these pads’ smart design
means you don’t have to lose ‘em
because you can use ‘em
as coasters for under your wine.

 

©2014 Carlotta Eike Stankiewicz

Sob Story

"Mother and Child," by William Zorach

For me, breastfeeding ROCKED.

I absolutely reveled in the nine months I spent nursing each of my daughters. It brought sweetness, peace, health, relaxation, natural breast enhancement, rapid weight loss – what’s not to love?

I’ll tell ya: PUMPING.

Now, I haven’t tested the latest model portable breast pumps, but I’m pretty darn sure they’ve evolved greatly from the one I used 15 years ago. The contraption was unwieldy and uncomfortable. It took quite an effort to assemble and put to use. Worst of all, it was noisy.

No, make that NOISY.

I recall a particularly cringeworthy 20 minutes spent pumping in the ladies’ room of a client’s office during a meeting break. It’s quite possible passersby thought the restroom was being renovated — if not completely demolished and rebuilt from scratch — as the monstrous whirring of the milking machine echoed off the tile.

But of course it was worth the effort to be able to provide that free and natural wonder food for my babes while I was away from them. And I was recently reminded of my pumping days when a dear friend, the mom of 6-month-old twins, told me she’d tipped over a full bottle of breast milk and…had a bit of a freak out. All that time and effort down the drain — or the side of the kitchen counter, as it were.

She knew I’d empathize.

She knew I’d understand that she wasn’t overreacting.

She knew I’d write a poem about it.

So, here’s to you, dear friend, and every breastfeeding mom out there: May your pumps run smoothly, may your freezers stay full and may you never spill a single drop.

.

Sob Story

After hours at a pump that’s been plying
Liquid gold from them, there’s no denying
Moms of lactating ilk
Know there’s one kind of milk
That – when spilt – fully justifies crying.

.
©2012 Carlotta Eike Stankiewicz

The Benefits of Breastfeeding

Although it proved a bit challenging to get started with my first daughter, I recall my days of breastfeeding quite fondly. And not just because I found it incredibly relaxing and a beautiful way to bond with each of my two daughters. It also had the added benefit of filling out my silhouette. Specifically, the middle of the upper half of my silhouette.

BOOBS! I finally had some!

This may be total overshare, but after being a card-carrying member of the I.B.T.C. for nigh on two decades, I was delighted to progress from perky to a perfect 36C when my milk came in. See, unlike many women, I didn’t gain much in the bustline while pregnant. I received my bounty afterward.

Now, while that measurement might not seem a big deal to some readers (especially women who were already nicely endowed and who swelled to uncomfortable Pamela-esque proportions during breastfeeding), for me it was an added bonus to an already wonderful experience.

And yes, I know, breast augmentation controversy, breast vs bottle controversy, etc., etc., etc.

I’m just sayin’ that I enjoyed those 18 months as a sort-of full-figured woman. As un-PC as it may be, I admit that I did feel different, and in a good way. And no, I didn’t feel less attractive when I resumed my regular shape. But I did miss the “enhanced” me — just a little.

Of course, I imagine that there are not a few men out there who appreciate the natural benefits this form of nourishment provides their progeny and their partners. Which brings me to today’s poem.

Because you can never have too many limericks about breastfeeding. Am I right?

.

The Benefits of Breastfeeding

Although many new moms may contest
Either viewpoint re: “Bottle or Breast?”
Most new dads will attest
That a milk-enhanced chest
Leaves no question: Indeed, breast is best.

©2010 Carlotta Eike Stankiewicz