World Breastfeeding Week: The Limericks

cow in fieldYep, it exists. And World Breastfeeding Week 2014 takes place this week — August 1 – 7.

Thanks to social media, we’ll be hearing a lot about it — from the many controversies surrounding it to the numerous celebrities who proudly and publicly support the practice.

I’m happy to do my part by sharing a special subcategory of humorous verse the likes of which Ogden Nash and Dorothy Parker never conceived: breastfeeding limericks. Yep, they’re a thing — at least as far as I and this blogger are concerned.

And in honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I’d like to milk them for all their worth.

 

THE BENEFITS OF BREASTFEEDING

Although many new moms may contest
either viewpoint re: “Bottle or Breast?”
most new dads will attest
that a milk-enhanced chest
leaves no question: Indeed, breast is best.

 

THE LAMENT OF THE POSTPARTUM EXECUTIVE

As through my career I progressed,
quite often I’d dress to impress;
but of late it’s my fate
(because now I lactate)
that these days I just dress to express.

 

SOB STORY

After hours at a pump that’s been plying
liquid gold from them, there’s no denying
moms of lactating ilk
know there’s one kind of milk
that – when spilt – fully justifies crying.

 

WHY PAD?

When for breastfeeding needs you’re equipping,
there’re a few things you shouldn’t be skipping,
like soft nursing pads –
be sure you’ve got scads
of them, ready to hide any dripping.

Best of all, when it’s time to resign
nursing duties, these pads’ smart design
means you don’t have to lose ‘em
because you can use ‘em
as coasters for under your wine.

 

©2014 Carlotta Eike Stankiewicz

Celebrity Mom

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Being a mom is so easy, even Kim Kardashian can do it!

And as we’ve all seen from the paragons of parenting pictured above, it’s not only easy to be a mom; it’s easy to be a mom and have a successful career and a dazzling social life and a fabulous face and figure!

C’mon, ladies. It’s simple. In fact, here are a few tips from the Gooptress herself to help you along, if you’re slightly befuddled.

And stay tuned for future how-to-mother-with-grace-and-style-and-a-stiff-upper-lip updates from none other than the Duchess herself.

If you find you haven’t bounced back to your pre-baby weight (15 years later), your child isn’t fluent in at least three languages, and you don’t discuss the rewards of motherhood reverentially and eloquently on a daily basis….well, clearly, you’re doing it wrong.

.

Celebrity Mom

Of course motherhood

is heaven

when you’ve a staff

of eleven.

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©2013 Carlotta Eike Stankiewicz

A Limerick A Day – Day 6 – Happy Bump Day

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Is she or isn’t she?

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Was she or wasn’t she?

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THANK HEAVENS she finally is. (So that this could happen.)

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Ummm…no comment.

The cult of celebrity moms has grown to rather an insane level, if you ask me. I’m all for celebrating the sweet, sweet experience that is motherhood, sure. But not to the point of obsession, especially when it comes to the reproduction of the rich and famous. These days, their pregnancies — or, more specifically, their “baby bumps” — take on lives of their own as fashion accessories, PR generators and career builders.

Looking at the bright side, at least being “P.G.” (as they used to say in the darker ages) is no longer something to be kept under wraps, concealed in all manner of maternity fashions.

I guess we’ve come a long way, baby.

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Happy Bump Day

When pregnant moms’ bellies get plump,
We now call this big lump a “bump.”
Which, I have to divulge,
Sounds far better than “bulge,”
“Protrusion,” “distention” or “hump.”

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©2013 Carlotta Eike Stankiewicz