World Breastfeeding Week: The Limericks

cow in fieldYep, it exists. And World Breastfeeding Week 2014 takes place this week — August 1 – 7.

Thanks to social media, we’ll be hearing a lot about it — from the many controversies surrounding it to the numerous celebrities who proudly and publicly support the practice.

I’m happy to do my part by sharing a special subcategory of humorous verse the likes of which Ogden Nash and Dorothy Parker never conceived: breastfeeding limericks. Yep, they’re a thing — at least as far as I and this blogger are concerned.

And in honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I’d like to milk them for all their worth.

 

THE BENEFITS OF BREASTFEEDING

Although many new moms may contest
either viewpoint re: “Bottle or Breast?”
most new dads will attest
that a milk-enhanced chest
leaves no question: Indeed, breast is best.

 

THE LAMENT OF THE POSTPARTUM EXECUTIVE

As through my career I progressed,
quite often I’d dress to impress;
but of late it’s my fate
(because now I lactate)
that these days I just dress to express.

 

SOB STORY

After hours at a pump that’s been plying
liquid gold from them, there’s no denying
moms of lactating ilk
know there’s one kind of milk
that – when spilt – fully justifies crying.

 

WHY PAD?

When for breastfeeding needs you’re equipping,
there’re a few things you shouldn’t be skipping,
like soft nursing pads –
be sure you’ve got scads
of them, ready to hide any dripping.

Best of all, when it’s time to resign
nursing duties, these pads’ smart design
means you don’t have to lose ‘em
because you can use ‘em
as coasters for under your wine.

 

©2014 Carlotta Eike Stankiewicz

SUMMER OF THEIR DISCONTENT

©2011 CEStankiewicz all rights reserved The Well-Versed Mom

SUMMER OF THEIR DISCONTENT

They’ve got a trampoline
and bicycles
a pool just down the street

a cabinet full of art supplies
a chess set that’s complete

a couple shelves of good books
a library nearby

a sibling and a hamster
and games in good supply

a best friend ‘round the corner
and another right next door

a basketball
a volleyball
a soccer ball
and more

a skateboard and a scooter
a fishing pole and net

a Frisbee™ and a dog
(that pet we had to get)

a front yard with a tree to climb
a back yard with a swing

a water hose
a sprinkler
balloons to fill and fling

a Game Boy and a Wii
a stereo, CDs

a laptop and a tv
a zillion DVDs…

With all these things to play and do,
I have to say I’m floored

to hear that dreaded, dreadful phrase –
you know the one:

“I’M BORED.”

.

©2010 Carlotta Eike Stankiewicz

Guest Post: Peyton Price of Suburban Haiku (feat. a book giveaway!)

suburban haiku book, haiku, poetryToday, as National Poetry Month draws to a close, there’s a special treat in store for you.

Peyton Price, poet/author of the new Suburban Haiku: Poetic Dispatches from Behind the Picket Fence has delivered a few fresh haiku, as well as your chance to win some POETRY SWAG.

A resident of suburban Maryland, Peyton’s been capturing the essence of the ‘burbs in haiku form (three lines that employ a total of 17 syllables, broken into phrases of 5-7-5) for quite some time now, and she’s elevated it to high — and hilarious — art. Some of my faves from her book:

I keep a close eye
on the hummingbird feeder.
Yep. It’s still putrid.

For tonight’s potluck
please mark what is Gluten-Free
so I don’t eat it.

Dare I say something?
I think her carpool “conflict”
is hating carpool.

Now that you’re all warmed up, let’s get to the giveaway. We’re challenging you to create a mashup of a movie critique and a haiku: a haiku review.

Get inspired by the following examples from Peyton and yours truly, then visit the comments section below to post your own movie review in haiku form (three lines: 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables). Enter as often as you like in the next week. Contest ends May 7, 2014. All entries will go into a pool and one randomly drawn poet-winner will get their very own copy of Peyton’s adorable-but-subversive little book.

From Peyton:

DIVERGENT
Like Hunger Games, yes
but with sexual yearning.
(What? That guy is hot!)

MUPPET MOVIE
The audience laughed!
In fact, there was some shushing
from embarrassed kids.

From me:

SPIDERMAN
Tobey’s got talent –
Nimble in Spandex; good at
upside-down kissing.

Have fun — and thanks for playing!

 

 

Find more to chuckle about on The Well-Versed Mom’s Facebook page.

(And don’t forget to “like” me, okay? It’s good and good for you.)